Monday, March 27, 2006
Feeling Blahhh
Today I had great intentions to start working on my essay for the "Kingdom of God III" course that I took a year ago and haven't started on yet. (Hmmm...I know...don't get me started!!! I really wish that they had timelines, it would be so much easier to motivate myself) I finished another essay last week (for a course which I had also done a year ago) and I was totally on a roll, until today. Today, I'm tired, and I'm listless and I'm just blahh. So I've gotten as far as printing off the assignment. Of course, now that I've done that I'm realizing that I have to go back and read not only this course, but the 3 other courses that I have to compare in order to complete this assignment! It would be okay if I had all of my stuff with me... after all, I did print these all off at one time, but they are all packed away in boxes somewhere... which means that if I want to get this done now, I'll have to print them all off again (at about $20 per course) and get deep into the material again. I sooo am kicking myself for not just writting the papers back when I was already immersed in the stuff! Please remind me next time that I sign up for a VBI course that I have to do all of the work before moving on to something else. In the meantime, if you see me, ask me how my essay is going...maybe that will kick me into gear!
Friday, March 24, 2006
It's a Mutiny!!!
I think that my computer is plotting mutiny... it's become obvious that it thinks that it knows better than I do because it is fighting me at every turn! All I wanted to do yesterday was submit my papers to VBI! Would the computer let me... obviously not! Here's how it went down;
First I try the obvious - an upload to the VBI system...something that has worked several times before as this is how it it supposed to get done....but as soon as I get near the end, I get "action cancelled".
Second I try to save my assignments to cd so that I can go to Jeff and Tina's computer to do it. But the cd drive decides to not only stop working, but won't even open up to let me take the cd out of it. (strangely enough, today it is working fine!!!)
Thirdly, I find a diskette and try to save onto that... but I keep getting a "pathway not found" and that drive shuts down! (odly enough, that is working now as well!)
So finally, I try to attach files to an internet based email provider so that I can email the files to someone to get uploaded, but no... that doesn't work either!
At this point I am trying to figure out the best method of execution for the computer as it has obviously chosen to fight me on every angle and has decided that it knows better than I.... so I go for a drive so that I can breathe a little bit and not loose my salvation over a darn computer.
As I'm driving I remember that Future Shop is not far and that I still haven't tried the USB ports on the computer, so I swing by and pick up my secret weapon... a flash card... Ha!!! Take that computer!!! So I come home, plug the card in, transfer the files to it, drive to another location, plug the card in there and BANG, in less than a minute my files are uploaded and I'm done! WHO'S THE QUEEN IN THIS FAMILY COMPUTER??? That's right... MOMMY IS!!!
Now before you think that I'm totally crazy, this isn't the first time that this thing turns on me. Since we've been back in Ontario it has refused to allow me to access my email, even though I can do anything else on the web no problem! (it's trying to cut me off from my allies I know it is!) So that's it... I let it get a away with that, thinking that it wasn't a big deal, but now I can see that not dealing with that little power grab has allowed it to think that it can do whatever it wants when it wants.... NO MORE!!! This mutiny is done for... as soon as I can I'm going to take all of my files off of you, I'm going to get someone in here to reformat the crap out of you and make you a kinder, gentler computer who remembers who the Queen is and who the computer is... this tail will wag the dog no longer!!!!
First I try the obvious - an upload to the VBI system...something that has worked several times before as this is how it it supposed to get done....but as soon as I get near the end, I get "action cancelled".
Second I try to save my assignments to cd so that I can go to Jeff and Tina's computer to do it. But the cd drive decides to not only stop working, but won't even open up to let me take the cd out of it. (strangely enough, today it is working fine!!!)
Thirdly, I find a diskette and try to save onto that... but I keep getting a "pathway not found" and that drive shuts down! (odly enough, that is working now as well!)
So finally, I try to attach files to an internet based email provider so that I can email the files to someone to get uploaded, but no... that doesn't work either!
At this point I am trying to figure out the best method of execution for the computer as it has obviously chosen to fight me on every angle and has decided that it knows better than I.... so I go for a drive so that I can breathe a little bit and not loose my salvation over a darn computer.
As I'm driving I remember that Future Shop is not far and that I still haven't tried the USB ports on the computer, so I swing by and pick up my secret weapon... a flash card... Ha!!! Take that computer!!! So I come home, plug the card in, transfer the files to it, drive to another location, plug the card in there and BANG, in less than a minute my files are uploaded and I'm done! WHO'S THE QUEEN IN THIS FAMILY COMPUTER??? That's right... MOMMY IS!!!
Now before you think that I'm totally crazy, this isn't the first time that this thing turns on me. Since we've been back in Ontario it has refused to allow me to access my email, even though I can do anything else on the web no problem! (it's trying to cut me off from my allies I know it is!) So that's it... I let it get a away with that, thinking that it wasn't a big deal, but now I can see that not dealing with that little power grab has allowed it to think that it can do whatever it wants when it wants.... NO MORE!!! This mutiny is done for... as soon as I can I'm going to take all of my files off of you, I'm going to get someone in here to reformat the crap out of you and make you a kinder, gentler computer who remembers who the Queen is and who the computer is... this tail will wag the dog no longer!!!!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
My brother's new video
Hi guys,
I just wanted to show you my brother Joel's music video his band is called Hewitt check out their website... you can listen to their songs on the media part of the website. He's the singer/songwritter. They used to be Capstone and Six Days, but Hewitt is their secular band. They are heard on Galaxy and Sirius Radio. They have some songs featured on tv shows in Canada and the States. Check them out, they're pretty good if I do say so myself!
I just wanted to show you my brother Joel's music video his band is called Hewitt check out their website... you can listen to their songs on the media part of the website. He's the singer/songwritter. They used to be Capstone and Six Days, but Hewitt is their secular band. They are heard on Galaxy and Sirius Radio. They have some songs featured on tv shows in Canada and the States. Check them out, they're pretty good if I do say so myself!
My daughters...
I've been touched over and over again in the last few weeks by my beautiful, innocent daughters. They are so trusting, so matter of fact in their belief that they are loved by all who truly know them that it just blows my mind. On the way home from my parent's on Saturday, when we were just about a half an hour from Cambridge, we had this conversation;
Julia said "I wonder if Jeff and Tina and Daddy are going to be waiting for us? I bet you they'll be waiting at the door!"
I just laughed and asked her "Why do you think they'll be waiting at the door?"
Julia replied matter of factly "because they love me" to which Elisabeth gave her agreement.
I said to them "you girls really believe that you are loved don't you?"
They said "of course we are!"
I said "But why do you believe that?"
"Because we're your daughters silly!" They both answered.
"So you know that I love you, but what about everyone else around you?"
"Well, they love us cause they know us. And because the bible says to love one another" Julia said!
And do you know what? Daddy and Jeff and Tina were waiting at the door when we arrived! And my girls are walking around KNOWING...just TOTALLY CONFIDENT that those around them, the ones who take the time to know them, love them. There is no question in their minds. This fills me with wonder!!! They can be as silly, as beautiful, as messy and wild and sweet and, well, as much of little girls as they are and they know that in all of that, they are loved. The freedom that I see in them because of this is amazing! Oh Lord, help them to know this all of their lives. Help me to know it too... I so want to walk in the confidence I see in them...WOW!!! Thank you for my little girls, and the way you speak to me through them!
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Beginning to See
I've been getting a lot of illustrations about this place that I am in right now. Some being the Psalm 23, or being in a field hospital after a huge battle...just to help me to understand what this season I'm in is all about. This past weekend I felt like the Lord gave me another one, the one of being in the "Upper Room" waiting for the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to go out and do what we've all been commissioned to do.
Let me get into this a bit. At first, I was receptive, but still a little cynical. You know the whole "oh, and when will that be? Do I wait for tongues of fire?" I know...I really need to lose the attitude! But I really feel like I'm starting to see what God meant...starting being the opperative word! After the crucifixion, and resurrection, the disciples were in the Upper Room trying to reconcile what had just gone on. Their whole paradigm of what the Lord was going to do and what it was going to look like got blown out of the water when Jesus was crucified. Their whole idea of their ministry and how it was going to be walked out was completely crushed. They spent the time in the upper room, praying, thinking about what Jesus had really said to them, and meeting with Jesus. He appeared to them many times over the 40 days following His resurrection and He taught them and opened their eyes to many things. I'm feeling that this is where I'm at as well. I have been following Jesus for a while now, and much more intensly these last few years. But some of what I've heard has gone way over my head, and I interpreted my own agenda into some of it...much like the disciples had. (As they fought over who was the greatest and what seats they would have in the Kingdom) And my paradigm of what my "call" or "ministry" was going to look like has been blown out of the water!
The thing is that though the disciples' paradigm was off, it didn't mean that they weren't walking with Jesus the whole time... He discipled them despite their issues and even released them to minister, which they did powerfully. I feel like this is where I've been and in the last 3 or 4 months. I've run right smack into the cross, embraced the resurection and am now on the other side...meeting with Jesus, allowing him to separate what my understanding, my agendas, my paradigms have been and what He has been saying. Showing me what He wants me to hold onto and tearing away the rest. While at the same time reassuring me that not everything that I've said and done until this point is rubish, that there was still good, like the stuff the disciples did, because that's exactly what I've been and still am... a disciple, with all of the learning curves that come with that.
So now, I'm in this "Upper Room" time. Time to learn who Jesus is - Really. And learn who I am - Really. Time to step into a much, much bigger paradigm. The disciples were so afraid and confused and messed up after Christ's death. (much like I felt the last few months) I'm sure that much of the time that He met with them and that they spent in prayer before the ascension was used to bring healing and to grow faith and affirm and strengthen them and to bring re-focus them. To prepare them to walk out the commission that He had for them. So that's where I am right now. In this place of healing, affirming, strengthening, refocusing and anchoring. I'm amazed at God's goodness. I already feel like my faith is being rooted and strengthened and wow I'm getting so excited! The scriptures are coming alive and I'm seeing things like for the first time. And do you know what? God is much bigger than I had ever imagined... and I have a pretty huge imagination!
So about the whole waiting for the empowerment of the Holy Spirit (Pentecost) thing... LOL!!! I can see some of my more theologically grounded friends cringing at the thought... I just want to point out right away... Though I do believe that the Holy Spirit is able to recreate a Pentecost-like experience any time He would like, (and for the record, I would gladly...I think... receive it) I don't necessarily think that that is what the Lord meant when He was using this illustration with me. Don't get me wrong... I do believe that the Holy Spirit continues to empower His people and His church for service and that this is essential to walking out the Commission. However, I know that the Holy Spirit is well and alive in me and I am experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirit very profoundly from time to time as He graciously ministers to me. What I do believe the Lord meant... (and hey, I'm not too proud to admit that I've been wrong a time or two before...) is that there would be a time of release, where I would know that the time to "go ahead" has come. (whatever that looks like!) Just as the disciples had to wait for the release to step out. I feel that there will be a moment of knowing for me. I feel it coming closer everyday...though I still feel the Lord's hand on me saying "whoa... not yet". May the Lord help me to be obedient!
Simone
Let me get into this a bit. At first, I was receptive, but still a little cynical. You know the whole "oh, and when will that be? Do I wait for tongues of fire?" I know...I really need to lose the attitude! But I really feel like I'm starting to see what God meant...starting being the opperative word! After the crucifixion, and resurrection, the disciples were in the Upper Room trying to reconcile what had just gone on. Their whole paradigm of what the Lord was going to do and what it was going to look like got blown out of the water when Jesus was crucified. Their whole idea of their ministry and how it was going to be walked out was completely crushed. They spent the time in the upper room, praying, thinking about what Jesus had really said to them, and meeting with Jesus. He appeared to them many times over the 40 days following His resurrection and He taught them and opened their eyes to many things. I'm feeling that this is where I'm at as well. I have been following Jesus for a while now, and much more intensly these last few years. But some of what I've heard has gone way over my head, and I interpreted my own agenda into some of it...much like the disciples had. (As they fought over who was the greatest and what seats they would have in the Kingdom) And my paradigm of what my "call" or "ministry" was going to look like has been blown out of the water!
The thing is that though the disciples' paradigm was off, it didn't mean that they weren't walking with Jesus the whole time... He discipled them despite their issues and even released them to minister, which they did powerfully. I feel like this is where I've been and in the last 3 or 4 months. I've run right smack into the cross, embraced the resurection and am now on the other side...meeting with Jesus, allowing him to separate what my understanding, my agendas, my paradigms have been and what He has been saying. Showing me what He wants me to hold onto and tearing away the rest. While at the same time reassuring me that not everything that I've said and done until this point is rubish, that there was still good, like the stuff the disciples did, because that's exactly what I've been and still am... a disciple, with all of the learning curves that come with that.
So now, I'm in this "Upper Room" time. Time to learn who Jesus is - Really. And learn who I am - Really. Time to step into a much, much bigger paradigm. The disciples were so afraid and confused and messed up after Christ's death. (much like I felt the last few months) I'm sure that much of the time that He met with them and that they spent in prayer before the ascension was used to bring healing and to grow faith and affirm and strengthen them and to bring re-focus them. To prepare them to walk out the commission that He had for them. So that's where I am right now. In this place of healing, affirming, strengthening, refocusing and anchoring. I'm amazed at God's goodness. I already feel like my faith is being rooted and strengthened and wow I'm getting so excited! The scriptures are coming alive and I'm seeing things like for the first time. And do you know what? God is much bigger than I had ever imagined... and I have a pretty huge imagination!
So about the whole waiting for the empowerment of the Holy Spirit (Pentecost) thing... LOL!!! I can see some of my more theologically grounded friends cringing at the thought... I just want to point out right away... Though I do believe that the Holy Spirit is able to recreate a Pentecost-like experience any time He would like, (and for the record, I would gladly...I think... receive it) I don't necessarily think that that is what the Lord meant when He was using this illustration with me. Don't get me wrong... I do believe that the Holy Spirit continues to empower His people and His church for service and that this is essential to walking out the Commission. However, I know that the Holy Spirit is well and alive in me and I am experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirit very profoundly from time to time as He graciously ministers to me. What I do believe the Lord meant... (and hey, I'm not too proud to admit that I've been wrong a time or two before...) is that there would be a time of release, where I would know that the time to "go ahead" has come. (whatever that looks like!) Just as the disciples had to wait for the release to step out. I feel that there will be a moment of knowing for me. I feel it coming closer everyday...though I still feel the Lord's hand on me saying "whoa... not yet". May the Lord help me to be obedient!
Simone
Monday, March 06, 2006
Life in Psalm 23
Things have settled down for us here in Cambridge. The girls are in school. Dan is working (temporarily) for a small shop in town and I'm getting into a nice retreat routine with the Lord.
The thing is, that I really thought that things would be much clearer by now as to our future. ( I know... what would make me think that I'd have answers by now?) We are living in the unknown right now. And the Lord seems to be quite content to leave us there! Dan really feels that he's to take some time after this job comes to an end to just spend some time seeking God. And I've been hearing the same for him. The thing is that taking that time off and not worrying about work is great, except that it sure puts our timeline off. You see, by next week he should be one month into a three month probation period, which would have put him working 6 months by the time school was over and we'd for sure be able to get a decent place... But for some reason God doesn't seem too interested about our timeline, and neither do Jeff and Tina to be honest. They keep encouraging us to take the time that we need and to seek the Lord. I'm totally amazed by them! (and humbled to say the least...how can they be so giving and loving towards us? It's amazing to me... we are truly blessed beyond words!)
So here we are; people are starting to ask "so, is everything settled? Where are you guys working? Where are you going to live?" and we have very few answers for them. Mostly because for some reason God has us in this place of rest right now. Basically saying "seek me first. Come to me, let me speak into your lives and the rest will be taken care of. Don't make any plans, or try to figure things out, just come to me. I want you to rest, I want to minister to you". The thing is, I'm finding that I'm running right smack into guilt! That's right the whole "I should really be doing something right now. I'm not being productive. I need to figure out where I'm going to serve. I should really have things figured out by now"...you know the drill... there's nothing worst than a good dose of Christian guilt! I guess I'm in the place of having to just trust that God knows what He's doing. He's been faithfull to us so far. He's been our provision and our protector all along this crazy journey, so why would that change. And its actually quite funny that we're even stressing at all about it considering God's track record.
I mean really...did the sheep in Psalm 23 get stressed out that the Shepherd was bringing them to a place of rest? Did they question what He was up to when they reached the green pastures? Did they keep asking when they could move on? Then why would I? (I'm asking myself that!) So I'm going to live here in Psalm 23 until the Lord calls me on. Come on... some prayer, some worship, time in the word and start over again till the kids get back from school...a girl could get used to this!!!
Blessings,
Simone
The thing is, that I really thought that things would be much clearer by now as to our future. ( I know... what would make me think that I'd have answers by now?) We are living in the unknown right now. And the Lord seems to be quite content to leave us there! Dan really feels that he's to take some time after this job comes to an end to just spend some time seeking God. And I've been hearing the same for him. The thing is that taking that time off and not worrying about work is great, except that it sure puts our timeline off. You see, by next week he should be one month into a three month probation period, which would have put him working 6 months by the time school was over and we'd for sure be able to get a decent place... But for some reason God doesn't seem too interested about our timeline, and neither do Jeff and Tina to be honest. They keep encouraging us to take the time that we need and to seek the Lord. I'm totally amazed by them! (and humbled to say the least...how can they be so giving and loving towards us? It's amazing to me... we are truly blessed beyond words!)
So here we are; people are starting to ask "so, is everything settled? Where are you guys working? Where are you going to live?" and we have very few answers for them. Mostly because for some reason God has us in this place of rest right now. Basically saying "seek me first. Come to me, let me speak into your lives and the rest will be taken care of. Don't make any plans, or try to figure things out, just come to me. I want you to rest, I want to minister to you". The thing is, I'm finding that I'm running right smack into guilt! That's right the whole "I should really be doing something right now. I'm not being productive. I need to figure out where I'm going to serve. I should really have things figured out by now"...you know the drill... there's nothing worst than a good dose of Christian guilt! I guess I'm in the place of having to just trust that God knows what He's doing. He's been faithfull to us so far. He's been our provision and our protector all along this crazy journey, so why would that change. And its actually quite funny that we're even stressing at all about it considering God's track record.
I mean really...did the sheep in Psalm 23 get stressed out that the Shepherd was bringing them to a place of rest? Did they question what He was up to when they reached the green pastures? Did they keep asking when they could move on? Then why would I? (I'm asking myself that!) So I'm going to live here in Psalm 23 until the Lord calls me on. Come on... some prayer, some worship, time in the word and start over again till the kids get back from school...a girl could get used to this!!!
Blessings,
Simone
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